I Am Too Full Of Life To Be Half-Loved!

Long before my body learnt to initiate a chemical reaction just by a thought of a lass I came across by day. When I could look at a perfectly formed gorgeous lady without inadvertently having any underlying risqué thoughts. When I never got to worry about being arrested by luscious gyration of a female’s hindquarters. My mama taught me that, if you give your whole to someone, and it still is not enough, then you are giving it to a wrong person.
 
After years of consistent change of character, interest, passion and personality to please you, thank you for giving up on me. Thank you for believing that I’ll never be good enough and for making me feel like I’ll never be someone you appreciate or respect.
 
If it wasn’t for your constant disapproval and rejection, I wouldn’t have found my own voice and I wouldn’t have found the courage and the strength to fight your voices and follow my own.
 
dsc_0515
 
Thank you for giving up on me so easily, you taught me how to fight for myself.
Thank you for not waiting for me or giving me a chance. Thank you for being impatient and thinking that this is all there is to me. Thank you for pushing me away and guiding me to a better place, guiding me to find better people who believed in me and accepted me and thank you for giving me a reason to walk away from you forever — a reason never to look back.
 
Thank you for not missing me when I was gone, thank you for not trying to win me back, thank you for showing me how l meant nothing to you. You made me realize that you were full of lies, you were fake, nothing about you was real and we never really had anything in common.
 
Thank you for your lies because they showed me the truth and thank you for your departure because it forced me to find new beginnings, to find new roads and to let go of the past that you were once part of.
 
1484718_10200863442822236_284141360_n
 
Thank you for making me feel like I’m hard to love, thank you for choosing other people over me, thank you for making me feel unworthy because you taught me to see my worth, you taught me to choose myself and you taught me that no matter how difficult I can be, I still deserve to be loved. I deserve to be embraced with all my flaws, but more than anything, thank you for showing me that I don’t deserve you.
 
Thank you for giving up on me when I needed you to be there. Thank you for letting me down when I thought you would lift me up and thank you for closing the door when I came knocking on it.
 
dsc_0161
 
You taught me how to survive, you taught me how to depend on myself and how to find my happiness away from you. You made me realize that I don’t have to be defined by how you saw me or how you treated me. You made me realize that I can redefine myself and my life.
 
Thank you for getting out of my life, I know now that losing you was the only way to find myself and I know that I needed you to give up on me so I can never again settle for someone who would easily let me go.
 
Thank you for giving up on me when I didn’t love myself, instead of destroying me, I built myself up, instead of making me cry, you made me smile.
 
dsc_0023
 
I’m smiling because what you thought was a tragedy turned out to be my happy ending, and what you thought was an ending turned out to be my beginning. I lost you, but I found me, I WON!
Advertisements

You Only Live Once (YOLO)

3 am in the midnight, am Skyping with a long lost friend of mine who left the country years ago to the ‘Land of milk and Honey’ (USA) to pursue her grand dreams at Stanford University. She spends a long time telling me about how much has changed in such a short time. Her perspective of life; her priorities, her desires, her pursuits and generally her dreams. It’s all giggles and jokes until she poses the question,

‘What should I expect back home Danstan?’

This question was timely. It came just as I sipped the last drop of my coffee. I felt it warm my tongue and tingle all my test buds. Engulfed with the depth of the question, the coffee sloughed down my gullet gently increasing in temperature. By the time it reached my stomach, I felt a burning sensation that made me feel void and terrible. It’s when it dawned to me, indeed, even more has changed back home.

As men we are too timid to go out, work and generate hard earned resources to give us gradual wealth. We need quick cash. A betting spree has infested the nation, thus leaving our responsibilities, future and dreams to chance, hoping that someday we’ll wake up to a jackpot, buy a mansion in the leafy suburbs, buy our dream cars and party all day and night ad finitum. Meanwhile, we take the screenshots of our paltry gains and post them to our 5000+ followers on social media. Then we purchase red, yellow, green and orange sneakers with complementary shirts and a selfie stick. Together with 16 baddies, we pull resources and hire a ride to be used to solicit campus divas and naïve high school leavers. In a nutshell, we ‘YOLO’! So dear friend, make sure you spare some dollars for our dear betting sites. But if you can’t don’t worry, you can use your fancy shoes/socks/dress/trousers as security to get instant loans.

Our ladies have a different sense of direction, thinking of nothing else except how to look good, turning up every other weekend and seeking men’s attention using their ‘Sponsors’(sugar-daddys’) money. Steady posting obscene and indecent pictures on Facebook and Instagram fishing for complements and likes! A breed of girls with nothing more but a pretty bleached face and fake bodies to lust and sleep with. Dear friend, the only qualification you need is an infinix/techno phone with 53 photo-editing Applications.

Men, what will your kids inherit? Stocks? Bonds? Trust funds? Or the 90 pairs of shoes/Gucci belts you bought?

Ladies, being popular on Facebook/Instagram is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria in a mental hospital!

Finally, we make triumphant entry into today’s reality; big houses, small families. More degrees, less common sense. Advanced medicine, poor health. High income, less peace of mind. High IQ, less emotions. Good knowledge, less wisdom. Number of affairs, no true love. Lot of friends in Facebook, no real physical friends. More alcohol, less water. Lots of human, less humanity. Smart devices, foolish users.

Welcome home dear friend!